Striptease
by khambilo
Summary: Simon is dared to put on a show


**STRIPTEASE**

_Originally posted at ._

_Simon is dared to put on a show._

"You heard me," Kaylee chided. "Strip."

"I will not," Simon said indignantly.

"Simon, you lost the game," she moaned. "You have to."

"Not to mention that Kaylee's been lookin' to eye your man candy for the past several months," Jayne added.

Kaylee delivered an elbow sharply into Jayne's gut which derived a good chuckle out of the others at Serenity's galley table. Simon wasn't laughing.

"Think of it this way," Zoe offered, "It could have been anyone, you were just unlucky."

The crew erupted into laughter, save for Simon.

"I was hoping it would be my wife," Wash chimed in as the laughter subsided.

"Me too," Jayne haplessly added.

This time, Zoe delivered her elbow into Jayne's gut and this time, he groaned in pain.

"Should we play some music," Mal suggested. They all let out another bout of laughter as Simon bit his lip.

"This is positively shameful," Book exclaimed through heavy laughter.

Simon gave a pleading look towards River, his last escape.

"No way, Simon," she said before he could even get a word out. "Two by two, unless one is nude."

Kaylee took advantage of the moment to take Simon's arm. "I don't see the problem here," she said soothingly. "You were singing naked on top a statue of some dead guy. You said so."

"Kaylee," Simon hissed.

"Wait, what is this," Inara questioned in jest. "Looks like you've got some explaining to do, Simon."

"It was under the influence of much sake," Simon blurted in defense.

"And that really is not helpn' your case," Mal joked.

The crew began to start in all at once on Simon concerning the story and Simon's avoidance of the dare. Kaylee gave one last glance at Simon, no less than pure agony on his face.

"I think I heard Serenity hiccup," She stated, and left the galley. No one really noticed as they continued to chide Simon all at once.

"…not that I'm overly anxious to see his man parts," Mal requited, "I just think it's funny as Hell."

"You all are terrible," Book managed through laughter.

"Pretty boy's a scaredy puss," Jayne exclaimed.

All the recitations of the crew were suddenly silence as the ship sharply lurched and sirens began to blare at head-splitting volume.

"Kaylee, what the gorramn hell is wrong with my ship," the Captain managed over the din.

Kaylee's sweet voice somehow carried over the noise as she cried "I dunno Cap'n. Thought I heard a power flux and the next thing I know we're driftin' back and forth like a rowboat at high tide."

Given the imminent danger, no one was really interested in the game. Everyone began to peel away from the galley and Simon took advantage of the bleak moment by seeking refuge in his room.

It was an hour before the sirens stopped and another half an hour on top of that before Simon heard a knock at his door.

* * *

River who had been unusually serene during the whole mess cast a smirk to her brother as she went for the door.

"Have fun," she said airily.

She opened the door slowly, revealing Kaylee to be the source of the knocking. River casted the same, sidelong smirk at Kaylee as she drifted out of the room.

"What's with her," Kaylee asked earnestly.

"I've given up trying to find out," Simon said, trying to give his best shot at humor.

Kaylee stepped into the light of Simon's room. Her face and coveralls were mottled with dark splotches of engine grease. Simon made a gesture, directing her to a chair in the room. He exhaled heavily looking for something to say.

"So I trust everything's alright with the ship then," He said with much Simon-like grace, which is more equitable to "anti-grace."

"Weren't nothing wrong with her in the first place," Kaylee smiled.

Simon scratched his head in confusion. "So the sirens and the --."

"You owe me big time, Simon Tam," Kaylee said pointedly with mock severity, or so Simon perceived it to be, it was hard to tell. There was a brief pause, a moment, in which Simon suddenly understood.

"You did that," Simon questioned incredulously.

Kaylee nodded. "I hurt my good girl to get you out of your striptease."

"I…uh…thank you."

"Oh no, you ain't getting out of it that easily," she said with a bright smile. She reached into her coveralls and removed a small black box, little more than a speaker with a switch. She flicked the switch with her best attempt at seductive blasé-ness, which really rubbed off as barely-contained excitement. A slow raucous old burlesque tune began to play.

She turned her gaze to him again.

"Strip. Slowly."

* * *


End file.
